Why i chose to become a stay at home parent.
Long before I became a stay at home parent, I worked as a full-time police officer. Over the span of my seven-year career in law enforcement, I worked for three agencies, with shifts ranging from 8-12 hours a day (sometimes more with overtime). I worked the majority of my career on evening shift (3pm-11 pm) which I loved. We were busy, I enjoyed working alongside my coworkers, and I was definitely looking at promotion within my first few years there. Did I mention I earned an Award for Valor, Life Saving Award for Distinguished Service? I did.
When my husband and I began to make plans to start a family, we agreed I would be the one to step away from shift work in order to avoid the potential conflict of us both working mandatory, and uncertain hours. I began looking for potential career shifts that would meet our future needs and came across an opportunity to work as a school resource officer for a large school district in our area. Daytime hours, consistent overtime opportunities for either additional pay or comp time, with summers off (assuming I earned enough comp time). I applied immediately, interviewed, and was hired on within a month. My final three years in law enforcement were some of the most rewarding years of my career. I loved working with students of all ages, primarily the high school students, as I believe I had the most positive influence within that environment.
When I learned I was pregnant with our first child, I was fortunate to work light or alternate duty for the majority of my pregnancy. I took a full, 12-week leave, and returned to work full-time in the same position, but with a different assignment. Our daughter was able to attend part-time daycare, meaning she went to daycare three days a week, and was otherwise home with my husband on his days off from work. It was the best balance, and the daycare was flexible with scheduling as long as she was attending three days a week per our contract. However, there was one issue: I missed out on a lot of the “fun” of being home with her. My solo “work” days, when my husband was on shift, consisted of me driving our daughter to daycare, working a full-day, hustling to wrap up my shift and reports in time to pick her up from daycare, and returning home to start our evening routine of dinner, bath, reading, and bedtime. I felt like I missed out on so much of the perceived “fun” my husband was able to have with her, whereas my “fun” time was more or less limited to weekends or the random holiday or day off from work. I was thrilled to receive pictures and videos of her while I was away, but I felt sad also, knowing I wasn’t present for her the manner I longed to be.
I continued working for the school district and transferred to a position within another department during my next pregnancy with our second child. I felt a more consistent work schedule without the requirement of working additional hours would be more suitable long-term. The job was less pay, yet provided me with the desired work schedule and enough pay to cover daycare costs for our daughter, and enough funds remaining to justify my working . Upon exploring the financial cost of having two, young children in part-time or full-time daycare, we realized immediately my take home earnings would be nearly cut in half. I would be working to cover childcare and maybe a few monthly expenses. It just didn’t make sense for me (us) to continue to work outside the home. But beyond the financial aspect, my husband and I openly discussed how we, as parents, envisioned raising our children, what we wanted our life to look like, what we felt needed to be prioritized, and how we planned to make it all happen. I would become a full-time, caregiver for our children.
I had a well-received, supportive conversation with my supervisor and shared my plans to resign following my maternity leave, several months before my due date. I continued working in-office until the week of my due date, and as of April 7, 2018, following the birth of our son, I stepped into the role of full-time stay at home parent.
My personal adjustment to being a full-time, caregiver to two children under the age of two was not a smooth one. Postpartum recovery was relatively “smooth”, but the first few months were grueling. Despite the familiarity of caring for a newborn, I found myself struggling to juggle the needs of our toddler. I’ll dive a bit deeper into what our adjustment period consisted of and how we navigated big changes in a future post. I am forever grateful to have had, and still have, a supportive husband who not only shared, but also supported, my vision for how I wanted to raise and parent our children. Despite the hardest of days, I am thankful we have been able to prioritize the level of involvement and care we provide our children. I have no regrets when it comes to no longer working outside the home.